You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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