People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
