She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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