im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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