That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
