I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this will be a night to untag.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
MIDGETS
????
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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