Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
