hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
