we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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