so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
