hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
