so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
