I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
