I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Two words: blizzard sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
