I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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