This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
