i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
