It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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