fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
