You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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