We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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