awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
