Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
