those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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