I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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