It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
