I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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