some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
