i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
