he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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