i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
