His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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