are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
