My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
