u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
