it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize