i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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