and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
