Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
