I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
