If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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