Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
