Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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