A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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