:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
