I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
