If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drake has all the answers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
