no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
