Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize