white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
