yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize