Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
