if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
