I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
