Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
