you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
