you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
