I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We had sex on a dog bed..
Two words: blizzard sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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