if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
