Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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