is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Holy shit dude........stairs
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