he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
