I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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