i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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