I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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