Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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