I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize