How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
