hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He shit in the fireplace
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
