love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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