I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
