Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
