I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
